Beggining

                                                           

This book contain mature subject matter. It is not intended for those under 16 years.

CHAPTER 1

Life is a journey; and the roads we travel have twisted turns; which sometime lead us to unexpected places, and to unexpected people.

I met this guy; who then with only one night he changed my life forever. At Maisha Club dancing with my friends Naima, Mwanaisha and Janeth. The night that my stress of losing the one I love pushed me into darkness. The night that the love of my heart, Patrick Sebenenje is in the honeymoon with another woman. My night with no stars, no hope and no life in me. It was the night my life ended. 

Patrick wasn’t there. My lovely mother wasn’t there. If they had been, they would have saved me; just like they always did. It was 1130 hours PM, everyone busy dancing. The club is full of people; he came close to me; touched my shoulder and asked to dance with me.

‘Hey, my name is Hamad; can I dance with you?’

He asks.

‘Okay’

We are dancing. It is my first time. Something is telling me this is wrong. Husna this is wrong.  “ Do you want a drink”. He asks.

“Yes” I say.

‘Okay’He says ‘ wait for me here’

Few minutes. He come. With two bottles of drinks. One is written red wine. And the other is Ndovu special malt.

“No I don’t drink alcohol” I say

“No this is wine. No alcohol. No different from juice; try it” He says; forcing my hands to have it. 

At that time I had no idea, whether what he gave me is wine with alcohol; because in my life there are two things I wasn’t interested, Alcohol and night clubs; but my friends forced me; to hang out due to the stress. The stress of losing a man I love. I waited him. Sacrificed. Fought with my parents and friends just to have him in my life. But in the end he married another woman.

I am drinking. Carelessly. Yes I don’t care. My friends came; “Husna. This cannot be. You  are you drinking? Majanga” .  Says one of my friend. Mwanaisha; her hands covering her month. She is surprised. 

Hamad interrupted; ‘hey girls go what’s wrong with that?’ He says.  Go and take your drinks, all bills are on me’. Pointing his finger; to the waiter. They are happy. Rushing to the waiter.

 
‘Thank you, our in-law’. They replied joyful.

We are drinking. Dancing.  I feel like my head is about to burst. Dizziness.

‘Please Hamad can we go and sit somewhere?’I say;  with my hands on his waist.

He is smiling. I don’t know why.

‘Sure’he says.

We went to the, VIP; the second floor. The place is nice. With the fresh air. We left my friends drinking. Dancing. Chatting with other guys. But he gave them Tshs. 50,000; equivalent to  $50. For them; it is not the first time. Every weekend they must be here. But for me; everything is new. Drinking. Dancing. Even chatting with a stranger. Hamad.

: ‘Husna”. Are you a student?’ He ask.

 ‘Yes, I am a student from university of Dar es salaam, taking Masters of business administration.’  He is smiling. This guy is very weird. Every time when I say something. He smiles.

 ‘You seem to be in pain’ He says?  ‘What is it?’

My thoughts drifted back at home; when my parents threatened to dishonour me if I get married to Patrick. Another thought came; when Patrick’s father called me a devil who want to separate him and his son just because I am a muslim.

I am crying. Like a baby.

‘please. I don’t want to talk about it’ I say.

He is quite. Then I started certain topic. Just to forget everything about Patrick for the moment. We are chatting. To tell you the truth I had no idea, that the person I am talking to; he is  a really monster,  a beast who destroyed my whole life left after break up with Patrick.

Yes they all wronged me. Patrick. My parents. And Patrick’s parents. They pushed me to hell. And the hell is what happened between me and this man I am chatting with in the club.

Life is unpredictable, sometime what you think is right is not. 

Hamad seemed to be wise. Kind. He made me forget what my father told me when I was in the middle school; Tambaza secondary ;  the way things they appear they are is not the way they are. When you grow up you will understand. My father was right.

 ‘Husna; what are you thinking’ he says ‘ Whatever it is.  Don’t give up; as long as you have life, you still have something to hope for’

The way he speaks, the way he is outside; he is innocent; but deep down within he is a monster. 
Yes, his words, are uplifting.

I never imagined, in life a day like this can happen to someone life. A day without hope. A day without light. A day where I had nothing to look forward to. 

‘Are you cold?’ He asks; ‘Do you want dance more?’ , scooting his body closer to me. The way he is looking at me, I sensed something in me. Yes he have sex eyes.  I tell myself. Why cant I loose. Dance and forget all problems.  I want to hug him; but he is a stranger.

‘A little’ I say; ‘But I want go back home. I know my parents, must be looking for me’. Trying to wrap my arms; around my body to warm up myself. 

He stood up, and reached for my hand. “Come on, let us go and find your friends”.

We go to the dancing ground; it is 01:45 am. Directly to the place, where we left them but they are not there. We searched and searched the entire club.

“Where are these stupid girls” I say. 

We searched the entire club, with no avail. Or maybe they have left. No way. They can't leave me alone with this stranger. And they know that it is my first time to be there. They must be somewhere with guys.  

“Husna, let me take you home”  Hamad; says.  

“Okay” I replied.

Where are you staying? He asks.

“Kawe” I replied. 

He is smiling. The way I see him. He seemed to be happy more than before. May be because we are alone. And my friend are not there.

“Oh! For me I am staying at Mikocheni; Nyerere near regency hotel. Lets go I will take you to your place. Not far from home” he says.

“But I must inform them that I have left, I know they must be somewhere with other guys” I say.

“Okay” he says; nodding to me; holding my hand. To his direction.

I placed my hand, in his; and we went outside. It is the first time holding another man’s hand lovingly; other than Patrick. I felt little uneasy, but still I trusted him. We found his car outside; Toyota Vitz; red colored, he  opened car’s front door and pointing his hand to the door;

‘get inside’ he says

My attention is focused on the contemporary beautiful red color of the car. 

‘Husna you are very beautiful’ ; he says. Slowly closing the car’s front door. 
I nodded, feeling the Car’s seat and good perfume inside.

 
Yes I felt little uncomfortable, stepping into a stranger’s car at the middle of the night. 

I thought for the moment that I shouldn't be there, but then my stress forced me. I wanted hope; I wanted something. I wanted someone to lean on. To forget all my problems and think it over.

He is in the car; starting it. His eyes on my eyes; as if it is his first time to open his eyes. 

“Why are you looking at me like that, drive the car please” I say, with a little smile on my face. 

“Husna, you are very beautiful” he says.

“Yes I know” I replied.

I felt a little peace in me. I tell myself; he seemed to be a good guy.  He won’t harm me. He will take me home safely.

‘What are you thinking?’He asks; ‘Are you thinking what I am thinking?’  

“What?” I ask. 

“Anyway forget it” he says. 

While on the road, the rain started falling. 

“Ooh my God, rain again; I don’t want. I just hate when it rains. What will happen to these stupid girls” I say. 
“They are big girls, they will take care of themselves” he responds. 

The rain is falling faster against car’s glass, making it harder to listen to each other.

Within few minutes; I am slumbering.

Suddenly I found myself at, Mikocheni B; opposite Regency hotel in the car. With him sitting beside me. He is looking at me like he wants to kiss me.

‘Hey; Hamad why are we here?’ I say; ‘Please take me home, not here; please’  

‘Husna, this is my home’ he says ; ‘ I just want to take my jacket; it is too cold.  Please. Won’t take even a minute’

 
‘Do you want one?’ He asks; he is shaking his head.

“No! I  want go home” I replied. 

“Come on, I know you want it’ he says.

‘ I want what?’  I ask.

 ‘Just follow me I have an extra sweatshirt in the house you can borrow me’ he says.  Going out of the car. I am afraid to be alone outside in the middle of the night. And it is raining.

I hesitated for a minute to follow him, the rain was falling faster than before. I didn't have any reason not to go inside with him. I had no choice. 

He opens the car’s door; and helps me to come out.

We go directly, to the house. I watch him, as he took the key out of the pocket to unlock the door. 

‘Come inside Husna’ pointing his hand inside the house, following him inside. I am, inside and he closed the door. And took the key. I felt little uneasy.

 I watched him, glance around the house following his eyes with mine. 

“Husna, why don’t you sleep here; it is too dangerous outside; the rain; you know”

He said.
‘Please, please take me home Hamad’  I said.

Hamad remained still, staring at me; like he want to eat me. I know being there didn't feel right; 

“I should probably go and wait for you outside” I said. 

“oh yeah, give me a sec” He said, taking his shirt out. I am surprised. I know this guy want to do something.

 I run and walked to the door, trying to open the door but failed. While, struggling to open the door; I heard Hamad’s footsteps moving closer to me; my heart beating faster every time I hear the rubber soles of his shoes coming close to me. Everything about being in his house, felt wrong; I knew I needed to escape. Going to his house was a bad idea and going to the night club; was a huge mistake of my life. 

As his steps continued to get closer and closer; suddenly he grabbed me. This was not the same wise Hamad we were chatting with in the club. I wanted to run out of his hand, but he blocked me. He placed his body by force to mine, completely closing any gap remained between us. My body is shaking; it was scaring the hell of me. 

“Husna, you can’t go outside; you must pay the bills of the drinks I bought ” reaching his hands, up to my chest.

‘Hamad; please I have money in my pocket take it’ I said.

He is busy like a beast hungry for meat. I stepped back out of his grasp, but he followed me. It wasn’t long, before my back was against the wall. Even if I wanted to leave, it was too late. His hand, rested on the wall behind me; caging me with his arms.

“Mm you smell so good” he growled pressing his lips to my lips; I felt helpless. 

“Hamad let me go please”. I cried. My whole body was shaking. I was shocked and stuck. He ignored, running his lips down my jaw line. I tried to use little strength in me, to push on his chest. But he didn’t move, even an inch. 

“Let me go. Let me go” I pleaded. His right hand, came down to grip my hip hard. He kissed my lips again by force; I felt pain through my mouth and tasted the tingle of my blood and the alcohol on his breath. His hand, found the bottom part of my bare stomach. I tried to move my legs backward, but he was so bigger and stronger than me

“Help, help” I yelled as loud I could, through my panic and tears. No one was there to hear my cries; no one was there to help me. He clamped his hand over my mouth. I was trapped under him, alone with no one to save me. Patrick was not there, my father was not there, my aunt. No one; I am in the hand of a monster waiting to be eaten alive. All the energy left to fight against; was drained from my body. And there was no chance for anyone to pull me out of this hell. Tears rolled down my face; I given up; he carried me by force to his bedroom. 

On the bed, he forced my jeans down, removed my underwear. Kissing all the part of my body.

I lost the balance, I lost in him. I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore. I was about to lose my virginity, the treasure I kept 12 years specifically for Patrick but now the monster is about to take it for free. I tried to scream again; but no voice came out. It was too late. 

I felt him pressing against my front side and it made me want to throw up. “Please, stoooop! please ! stop!stop!” I scream trying again to free myself ; from his hold; but he was too strong. 
“Husna just give up” he said. 

“Please don’t” I begged again. He didn’t respond, I squeezed my eyes shut, and silently I prayed “God help, God help me”. I wanted it all to be a nightmare; my break up with Patrick and the hell I am in. I wanted to see God’s hand, physically through that window and stop it from happening. 

No one was listening me. Being naked he pressed into me so quickly, he inserted his thing in me with force; very painful very painful. Like someone is piercing my vagina with a knife. I see blood on his legs. Bed-sheets. All my parts; between my legs are clouded with blood. But he don't care. I have never felt such intense physical and emotional pain all at once. It was the worst moment of my life, and it still is.

He kept invading my body, by force with each and every thrust; killing me a little more inside each time. I remained still; because it hurt more if I fight. He grunted as he continued, to shred my soul into pieces. He did what he did; I knew I will never be the same again after what he did to me. The real Husna is gone.  I lost my virginity and sense of self. It took me more than 12 years to protect it; for Patrick and it took mere few minutes to tear it down. My destiny is stolen. He took everything left from me; but the bad thing about it, is not about losing my virginity; is about what he left in me that destroyed everything about me.

This was the greatest tragedy of my life. I blamed all people; especially those people I love and care. They forced me. Turned against me. And separated me and Patrick. The love of my life. They pushed me to this hell. This time; I am back. I am back to take back what belongs to me. Patrick. Even if he is married. I will do whatever it takes.  I will do it. And everyone who played a part of pushing me to this hell. Will pay a price. Will pay a price.  Patrick. My parents. Patrick’s parents. Hamad. Everyone.  They will pay a price. They will pay a price. 

.……………………………………………………………………………………………

(12) Twelve years Ago; 

My life’s tragedies started; after broke up with Patrick . According to what many philosophers say; some people do die many times before their actual death, my break up with him was my first death, I lost hope and appetite of life. He was a man I loved most with all my heart. I was deeply in love with him and he was deeply in love with me. Our relationship started like a joke when he joined Tambaza secondary school from Mazengo secondary school Dodoma 12 years ago.

On his first reporting date, I saw him; my heart wanted to explode. His eyes pierced into my eyes like a sharp arrow; I asked myself “oh God what is this?” His body; oh yeah I wanted him to hug me. Just one look, all answers of my heart were answered. I fell in love at the first sight. For the first time I saw him, I found the definition of love in my heart. My heartbeat changed its rate, I felt it deep inside. It is like I had been asleep for many years, and now was awakening for the first time. All these feelings, felt from deep within.

On that day our civics teacher introduced him. My heart is smiling, for his voice is like a fresh juice of my soul

 “My name is Patrick Sebenenje; from Mazengo, I am happy to be here with you”.  He finished his introduction with a smile on his face.

Just his introduction made my day. I loved him the first day I saw him . I know I am a student, but I admit I have never felt like this before. I have heard people talk about love at the first sight, now I know. I felt like something was missing, in my life but now I found it. I wanted him to look into my eyes; as if God has answered my prayer; he looked directly to me and smiled; this made me to smile even more. His boyish smile; made me lose control

END OF THIS SAMPLE!

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